We all have those days. Those days where you reach a breaking point for something trivial. My latest moment was last week. I was really looking forward to some coffee, and when I say coffee, I really mean I like coffee with my creamer – French Vanilla to be exact. It makes me smile. It makes me happy. There’s something about sitting with a cup of coffee, not in a rush, just enjoying it that makes life okay. So, I went to get the coffee creamer container out of the refrigerator. I picked it up and it immediately slipped out of my hands, fell on the floor and splattered everywhere. And I mean everywhere – the floor, the cabinets, the walls, the appliances – everywhere. I froze. I almost cried. But I couldn’t. Because I have to be strong. I started to walk away to grab a towel, and my husband saw my face. He saw the defeat. He saw the sadness. He saw the frustration. He came into the kitchen and started cleaning it up for me. My husband who has his own physical issues, saw me defeated. His wife who is one of the strongest women he knows, was standing in the kitchen, on the verge of tears… over a spilled coffee creamer. I sat down on the couch and gathered myself.
I could cry, I was definitely on the verge of doing so. I was frustrated. I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis several months ago and I have good days and bad days and that day was a bad day. Never did I think at 38 years old, I would have to deal with my body betraying me. And I could have cried. But I decided instead to look at my husband and smile. Smile because I was so grateful that this man that I love was here, cleaning up my mess, because he loves me. And that even though my body is betraying me, he doesn’t look at me like I am flawed, like I am broken. He picks up the pieces without saying a word, without expecting a thank you or a pat on the back. He does it because he loves me. And in that moment, I realized that while my RA is not what I want in my life, I am blessed to have such a wonderful man in it. I smiled because I have children that help me on my bad days. I smiled because I have medical care that allows me to have good days. I smiled because coffee creamer can be replaced. I smiled because in this moment, I was reminded what love is about. I smiled because, while it could be better, it could be worse. I smiled because I am breathing. I smiled because I woke up today, to another day with this man and my amazing children. I smiled because, I have so many reasons to.
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